dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?