How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD