Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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