grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My bed smells like the plague
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
