I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
