I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
