if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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