the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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