Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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