I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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