D3 body, D1 cock
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
