My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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