Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
