did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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