Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
