This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
