I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
