Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he thought i was a dude.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
