3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
