Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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