There was a lot of him and a little penis
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
