Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
