Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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