I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
