Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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