Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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