Don't make out with my wife yet
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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