Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
