Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
