Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
