i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
