you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
