I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
