What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
