Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
