he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
