My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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