Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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