So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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