Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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