Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
