This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
