If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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