____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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