Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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