end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
