I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize