This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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