You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
