??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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