The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I party with great urgency now.
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