this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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