Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
