Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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