they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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