I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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