he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
