mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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