just come out here and I will go home with you...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
